I Laughed

November 1st. That's when Aaron and I agreed that we would make the big decisions surrounding my job loss. It also coincided quite nicely with the deadline to give our apartment notification of renewal or move-out. It's the date we gave ourselves so that we wouldn't spend every other minute worrying about what might happen and what we might have to do about it.

I worried anyway.

Really, I thought myself to death if you want to be accurate about it. I'm a "what if.." kinda girl. It makes me a great planner but also drives me crazy with all the little possibilities and potential outcomes. This drives Aaron crazy.

October 7th to October 31st. I can't tell you how many times I rationalized the situation to my sister-in-law. I can't recount the number of various game plans for best, mid, and worst-case-scenarios we developed. I can't tell you how many times I heard not to make any "drastic changes" from my mother. Nor can I recall the number of times I cried to my loving husband. And I can't tell you how many times I prayed for God to give us direction.

I was so tired of not knowing. If you've kept up at all with this blog you already know that.

Here's me and my little family, standing at a fork in the road with ten different routes to choose, waiting for the catalyst to give us clearer indication of the right road to travel.

I lay in bed on October 31st thinking "Tomorrow's the day!" but feeling no more confident about the answers that we were supposed to have by the next morning. I wanted God to choose for me. I wanted no other option but to say "Yes! This is what God wants us to do because its the only path open." Funny, but He doesn't always work like that.

On November 1st  God shut a door. God didn't reveal the one right answer. He just narrowed our window. I don't like the implications of a narrowed window. It still leaves room for the wrong decision. It leaves room for it to be our fault if things don't work out.

In five day's we've made most of the big decisions we didn't have answers to six days ago. We've almost finalized a game plan.

There's a lot I am going to think about when I reflect on the past week later on in my life. I hope, though, that I remember three things that happened on November 1st.

1. I laughed a lot.

It was kind of perfect timing for God. How funny of Him to use the day we set to give us a little glimpse into His plan.

2. I smiled with relief.

We had an answer. We knew, for the moment, what we were gaining, losing, and had a small vision of what was to come.

3. I looked at my husband with more love for him than I'd ever felt.

I know that's sappy but when you're on the verge of having everything around you, all the stuff you've filled your home with disappear. You realize its just the three of you that matter. God, Aaron, and I are going to do alright, even if we don't like facing the bigger decisions ahead.