Time

As a working mom, my time is one of the most precious things I can give away.

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My day starts at 7:00 am... Okay, who am I kidding? My day starts at 7:10 after my fourth alarm goes off. I have never been a morning person. Neh. Ver. After I'm showered, dressed ...which is much more challenging these days because nothing seems to fit right... and ready to go - I head on into G's room to wake his adorably sleepy-butt up.

He isn't really a morning person either. Thanks, mom. If he didn't wake up before us - and isn't sitting up in his bed turning his nightlight on and off - he's going to cry and fuss at me for rousing him from his beauty sleep. Le sigh. No smiley, joyous morning greeting from my eldest.

After he's changed and dressed and has decided that it's okay to be awake, we dart into the kitchen. I grab some peanut butter crackers to eat for breakfast in the swagger-wagon and head out the door. These are days when I'm lucky enough to be the one to get G ready... most days, Aaron beats me to it. We are only running 10 minutes late. That's good, right?? Kisses from dad and a fight into the car seat and we are off.

The drive to Lolly's House is usually quick but it's in the opposite direction of work. I should have left the house earlier. Hopefully, there aren't any accidents. Do I have time to stop for coffee? When we get to Lolly's, I get G out of the van and take him inside. Maybe today he will give me a hug and a kiss before I leave him... He lunges for his Pop Pop with the sweetest toothy grin. I rush in to use the bathroom because little duo has decided to cuddle up with my bladder and I. have. got. to. go!
Less than five minutes before I'm back in the car. Hey, I'm doing pretty good.  No such luck on the hug and kiss. Some days he could care less that I'm leaving. That's probably better in the long run anyway. 

Traffic on the way to the office is normal, though never great. I shouldn't have taken so long to drop G off.  I don't have time to stop for coffee. I'm only 10 minutes 15 minutes late to work.

[Insert 8-Hour Workday Here]

I head out to fire up the swagger-wagon. It's 5:15 pm and I need to get a head start on the rush-hour traffic, else suffer the wrath that is the DFW Metroplex and the mass-exodus to the suburbs. I used to use this time to call my mom and catch up on the events of the day. Since they've moved here and I'm going to see her in 45 minutes, a call doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. I call Aaron instead.  He hates phone calls - especially ones that exist solely to kill time and keep me and the other three-hundred commuters company.  Since he's already filled me in on any significant events during the day via Skype, we have nothing new to talk about. He hasn't started dinner. I decide he's boring to talk to on the phone. Why is everyone driving to the same place? Don't these people want to live somewhere else?

I finally get to Lolly and Pop's and rush in to find a two-foot tall little bundle of giggles and excitement, overjoyed that his momma is here to get him. Just kidding. He's grumpy cause he's hungry and I'm not as interesting as the dogs. I am fortunate enough to change a poopy diaper. Yay me! I ask G for a hug and a kiss. Whatever, kid, you're getting one anyway. Lolly fills me in on the events of the day. They went on a walk, learned the color yellow, and apparently he can say "fish," now. My brilliant child. Nah nah nah nah boo boo. I ask him if he learned how to say "fish." He looks at me with the same stare his father gives me when I ask if the he'll do the dishes.

It's 6:15 and we all three are hungry. Another fight into the car seat and we're heading home. Why is there so much traffic. Go to Walmart another time, folks. I pull in the driveway about 6:30. G and I go grab the mail and head inside. Daddy gets a smile and an "up!" I change into lazy-mom/aren't-you-glad-you-married-this clothes. And we play for a few minutes before serving dinner.

This is where my kid (usually) excels. Food is is happy place. Still, most of dinner is spent coercing G to eat his veggies and not just the carbs and applesauce. Dumb move serving the bread and pasta first, mom. Whatever. He's growing. No one likes veggies anyway. After we clean up we have about an hour before bedtime.

I'm a better parent on Tuesdays and Thursdays because we actually take him outside after we eat. We walk up the street pulling him in the wagon his father painstakingly re-painted for me. G doesn't want to sit in the wagon. He wants to stand. Ugh. Then at 7:15 he gets to run through the sprinklers in the front yard that are set to the automatic timer. Boom! Parenting win. After the sprinklers turn off and G has decided now is a good time to try to make a break for it into the road. He's not suited for life on the streets... try telling him that.  I leave him to Aaron while I go draw a bath.

Bath time is great. It's reminiscent of the wagon because this child wont sit down. I feel like I'm treating my kid like a dog for all the 'sit' and 'leave it'-s that come out of my mouth on a daily basis. G is eating the bubbles and playing on his bath drums. Thank you to whomever gifted those to us for his birthday. All is fun and games until it's time to actually attempt some form of cleanliness. That's okay - it's quick. 

We do a precarious dance to get both of us out of the tub without falling and cracking a skull. Success! I ask G if he wants to brush his teeth. This time he answers me. "eet" I'll take it. He's less enthusiastic about drying off and getting into pajamas. My child is not one to be restrained to laying down against his will - but he needs to be lathered in coconut oil to ward off the eczema ju-ju. Ha! He's clothed. I win. 

In his room, we sort of cuddle on the rocking chair. He's not having it until Dad brings him a sippy full of milk. I read a book and point out the ducks and socks and other things he seems to recognize. He just wants to turn the page and throw it onto the floor. The sippy helps.

It's 8:10. After we finish the book, Aaron lowers him into bed. My belly wont let me. We say prayers and I lean over and pick up his foot to kiss his piggies goodnight. It's the only thing I can reach.  The hubby and I leave the room and plop down on the couch to binge-watch whatever vices Netflix has us entrapped in at the moment. Currently, it's Grey's Anatomy. We are fifteen minutes in and G has finished his milk. I know this because he's wailing.

Secretly, I'm very happy about this. Now is my time to shine - the only really consistent time of the day when he wants me. I swoop in for mom duty. No crying-it-out happens in this house. I take full advantage of an extra ten minutes of time where G really does want to cuddle. We rock. I hum a lullaby. He falls asleep. There is a puddle of drool on my chest. Attractive. Baby brother or sister is kicking G. I wonder if he notices.  I am in mommy heaven for ten minutes.

Crap, the youngest just kicked the bladder and I have to pee. I hold it as long as I can. I call for Aaron to put the big one back into his crib. We slowly back out of the room after helping him find and snuggle with his Roarbert. I'm so glad he didn't pick a girly lovey. 

The rest of the evening is spent on two or three TV episodes and talking about our fantasy teams. Why are all my players hurt??

We head to bed.

My kid has spidey senses. I know this because as soon as he senses - from across the house - that both Aaron and I are in bed, he stirs awake. This happens every night... without fail. Ugh. Now I really don't want to get out of bed. Once I'm in bed, I'm there for the night so we become a cry-it-out-approved family. If G truly doesn't settle back down, Aaron is on deck for this one. Usually, he does go back to sleep. Thank you. 

I can't sleep. My husband doesn't share my affliction. I play on my phone for 20 minutes before deciding there is nothing good to read and no one is interesting enough to stalk. I check the baby monitor. Kiddo is sound asleep. I eventually follow suit.

- - -

I write all of this to point out that in the fifteen hours that I spend awake, less than three of those are with my kid. My kid who only sometimes, sort-of makes me feel like he wants to spend time with me. In total, I have about twelve hours a workweek of precious time that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to my child.

So when I don't want to hang out with you or go to happy hour or make plans, it's because I'm very selfish of my time. I don't want to give it to you. I want to give it to my son - my son who will only be my only little boy for a few more months.

I know you don't understand why I can't go out to dinner at 7:30 pm. And you don't always see how taxing it is to keep my kid out past bed time. Your house isn't child-proof and certainly not my-kid-is-allergic-to-your-pet-proof. I get it.  I don't blame you for this. I don't expect you without kids to get it. I also imagine it's easy to forget what it was like.

But I live it every day.

I don't want to feel guilty about not spending time with you. So please extend extra grace when I decline your offer to hang out. It's not you. It's me. And try to appreciate the weight of the times that we do share together. It is VALUABLE time. I love you. I want to give it to you. Sometimes the tug-of-war just sucks and unfortunately, you will probably lose. 

Spit Up and No. 2

My sweet little boy is five months old! 

He continues to surprise us every day with new faces and sounds. Graham's most recent accomplishment is rolling from back to front. This new talent has been the cause of many humorous moments in our household - including the one below - where I found that Graham had not only rolled over but had spit up and then managed to face plant in his excitement.

And apparently I'm one of those moms who says "Quick! Grab the camera!" before running to rescue my kid from his own disasters.

Must mean I'm cool.

In other news, I never would have imaged how frequently poop is a topic in our home. Graham, for whatever reason, has recently had trouble going number two. On one hand, its kind of funny hearing him grunt it out, but after a while of trying, the poor kid's frustrations just hurt mommy's heart. The silver lining is that he wears himself out and just wants to cuddle - gives new meaning to the term "pooped."

The bug is learning more and more every day. He's discovered that he can jump in his exersaucer, loves being tossed in the air, and the melt-your-heart giggling is something only his Daddy can bring out. Momma doesn't mind this so much. :)

The Whirlwind

Since discovering last December that we had a little one on the way, life has been nothing short of a whirlwind. Two-thousand and thirteen blessed us with a new family, new friends, and an ever-growing love of the life God has entrusted to us.

In January, we began regularly attending Preston Trail Community Church and were able to get plugged in to a small group. I spent the better part of the Spring head down, buried in a very neat, though time consuming project at work. Aaron decided that our then-four-month-old twin puppies needed their own space in the back yard and built for them a massive dog house. It is pretty impressive, I have to say, and has managed to withstand the tests of time, teething, and trouble (with only a few scars to show for it).

February took us on a much-anticipated visit to Corpus Christi. While there, we dominated at dominoes with the Lutz duo and celebrated the impending nuptials of my sister-in-law, Kristin, at her bridal shower. Back home, we enjoyed a fun-filled evening courtesy of my annual work party.

March was probably our busiest travel month. We ventured on our biennial Burns Family Ski Trip to Wolf Creek, Colorado. Aaron and I both snowboarded, though I less so due to a plague of exhaustion and dehydration. Some scary cramping had us in the ER for a few hours but it turned out to be a blessing because we got to see the first discernible pictures of our baby via sonogram. Though it is entirely possible to snowboard at four months pregnant, it is not easy! The next morning, Aaron was at the clinic combating a sinus infection. While we had a ton of fun, some vacations just aren't meant to be. Later that same month, my fun work project afforded me the opportunity to travel to our London offices to assist in training my peers on our systems. While there, I was able to visit Westminster and Reading, tour several museums, ride a big red bus, and watch the changing of the guard. Sadly, no sightings of royalty took place. It was such a fun experience that remiains on my bucket list to do again. Upon my return, we headed down to Corpus, this time to watch Kristin wed her love, Travis. We had such a wonderful time welcoming him and his sweet boy, Zay, into our family.

We finally let the cat out of the bag in April by announcing that we were expecting! To the frustrations of many, we decided not to find out our little ones' gender and kept our name choices a secret. This excitement and anticipation ended up being one of the most fun and memorable parts of our pregnancy.  Though much of April was a blur (what with the jet lag and buzz around the belly bump), one of my favorite memories this year came from work. I was invited to a fancy-schmancy charity event affiliated with my company's flagship philanthropy - complete with a fashion show, Maseratis, and preggo-approved wining and dining with our CEO. Throw a promotion on top of that and it has been a great year in my career.

The NRA held its annual gun show and rally in May, an event my dear husband couldn't miss. He, his brother and I, with my youngest niece in tow, ventured to Houston for the weekend trip. Thankfully, perhaps regrettably, we did not come home with any major investments. Instead, we began the 10-week countdown to baby, scheduling showers and registering for the most creative knick-knacks our own parents never had. It's a wonder we survived childhood. A short but sweet visit from our friends, the Mulkey's helped us to kick off the Summer season.

Before we knew it, June had popped and so had I (or so they tell me), and we were blessed with the most beautiful pregnancy photos capturing our impending bundle. We were overwhelmed with gifts and joy at every one of our four baby showers held in Dallas, San Antonio, and at each of our offices. Having a baby has shown us how incredibly loved we are and how insufficient our own attempts to bless other people with as much love must be.


The gender-neutral nursery was finally finished mid-July and ready to add baby. We probably out-did ourselves just a bit but it quickly became, and still remains, my favorite room in our house. Mementos from our showers, little gifts, and words of encouragement adorn our subtly glitter-painted walls. And while I was busy swelling up like a balloon, buying bigger shoes, and crossing my fingers for a July birthday - Aaron was busy basking in a well-earned promotion himself.

To our pleasant surprise, I woke up one Saturday morning fairly confident that we were about to have a baby. Thirty-six hours later we were parents! Graham Alexander made his debut on August 4th, about two hours before my own official birthday (and just in time to watch the Cowboy's season opener). ;)

We headed home with our perfect little boy with just enough time to visit with his Godparents before I had to go back to the doctor. I was diagnosed with postpartum preeclampsia which automatically earned a 48 hour stay in the hospital for mommy (with a very tired daddy and newborn in tow). Aaron did such an amazing job taking care of the two of us in his new role while I was unable to be there for them. But even God has His hands in our struggles and used them to remind us of His faithfulness. 

Aaron went back to work and I relished in 10 weeks at home. Our good little sleeper and mommy got into a routine filled with napping, watching Ellen, and completing the occasional chore. The twins turned a year old in September and managed to stir up their own bit of trouble. It is only fitting that, since we are best friends with the human-neighbors, Dillon and Draper be best friends with the canine-neighbors as well. It wasn't long before they'd managed to dig a "friendship-tunnel" to one another. Unfortunately we had to nip that in the bud.

In October, Aaron and I began to feel a little more mobile. He treated me to a date night at a dueling piano bar while the Aunties watched our little guy. I was mentally preparing myself to return to work in a few short weeks and struggling a bit with breastfeeding (my good sleeper was not a good eater). We found a wonderful in-home daycare for Graham which made the transition back to the 9-5 a lot easier. And we celebrated Halloween as a minion family of three right after Aaron returned from a man-cation (can I say that?) in Corpus.  

We began leading our couples small group in November in preparation for starting our own group come Spring. We are so excited about this venture. As much as we absolutely love our giant-small group now, I know that God is going to do so many great things as we multiply! Speaking of multiplying, Graham has a little cousin on his way. We were able to drive down to San Antonio for a few days to celebrate with soon-to-be Micah's parents. And the trip was so lovely that we did it again for Thanksgiving. November also made our family a little older and wiser - with Aaron turning 26 this year. 

Icemageddon/Icepocalypse hit North Texas early in December, giving us several unexpected days to keep cozy in our home. We went and "rescued" my sisters from their snowy apartments, who ended up staying with us for about a week. December was pretty much the month of parties. We attended a North Pole murder mystery dinner party, a gingerbread house constructing fiesta, an elegant we-need-a-reason-to-get-dressed-up social and several white-elephant shindigs. All of the former being in some way or another associated with our Life Group. 

And finally, we rounded out our third year of marriage by hosting Christmas at our humble abode and enjoyed visits from the Burns', the Haswell's, the Mayo's, and Santa, of course. Not to be left out of the festivities, Graham woke up at 11:58 p on New Years Eve, just in time to get smothered in kisses for 2014. 

It has been a life-changing year for Aaron and I, no doubt. We have been completely astounded at the amount of love and grace and peace that God has brought into our life. One can only imagine what we will have done 365 days from now but we are looking forward with joy and anticipation.

May the next year be as wonderful of a whirlwind for you as it has been for us. May God put you into uncomfortable situations so He can comfort you. May you walk through the desert so He can be your refuge. May you experience just a fraction of the love we were showered with this year and may it draw you closer to Jesus, too.

Happy New Year!

The Desert

Graham's first Halloween was great. We three and the neighbors sat in their garage to pass out candy, ordered a pizza and had a few brews. We had a steady stream of Trick-Or-Treaters. Still, I may have eaten more candy than we passed out. o.O

Early this week, Aaron got back from a (sporadically) annual fishing trip in Corpus with his dads and brothers, in-laws included. From what I gather, they had a great time, despite not catching all that much. I figure if people went fishing to catch fish, then nobody would do it. There are much more efficient ways to hunt. It should be called passing-the-time-ing, since that's the real purpose.

While he was gone, I had the privilege of being a single mommy for three and a half days. I've decided that it's just not for me. Aaron is too valuable to have around - especially if I expect to have any chance of getting to work on time in the morning. Regardless, me and my little man had a good time. We are learning how to roll over!

We spent the latter part of the week preparing to lead a bible study on the topic of being in God's desert.  And I've really been struggling to figure out what season of life He has me in right now. I feel like we are more than blessed in so many areas of our life. Yes, there are several circumstances that I would rather not be in right now, but they seem so small in comparison to where we are going.

I am so thankful that God gave me wise mentors early in my life and in my marriage. They taught me to do my best to view my life in stages, or seasons, all of which have an end. Sometimes the season I'm in is long and difficult, other times its brief and beautiful. In each, I know God is working on my heart.

The desert is a place of my Father's love. I'm conflicted because I know that while the desert is dry and barren, it's an opportunity from God to grow spiritually. Its humbling to know that He trusts me with such things. That He wants to focus on my heart. I'm not saying I want to be in a desert, but I do want to be stretched by God. I want to welcome Him to mold me into the character of Jesus, to prune and chisel and sculpt my soul. The trials we face are an invitation to seek and find Him.

I do want that.

I haven't decided what landscape characterizes today. Maybe I'm not supposed to know. I don't need to know, I suppose. I should be looking at every morning as that invitation to draw closer to God. To learn to love and live like Jesus. All of my life I have a reason to worship Him. God will meet me right where I am.

 

Back to Business

Graham's First Day!

Today concludes the last day of my first week back to work. I have to say that things went better than I had expected. Everyone tells you how terrible and awful it is going back to work after having a baby. Being horrified that gloom and doom would be my reality actually helped make it easier when it turned out to not be so bad. Still, I do not feel like we are anywhere close to being in a routine again.

Monday was a holiday so I (selfishly) kept my baby home with me for one last day. We had family visiting over the weekend which was wonderful but meant he was being loved on and held by everyone but momma. I squeezed in as many cuddles as I could.

Aaron and I have agreed that life with a kid only holds you back as much as you allow. This meant that we went to small group that evening, despite having not yet prepared everything for the big day to come. I'm glad we went. I don't think that looking back on my life I will regret having spent our time doing adult things with our kids in tow. I don't want my children to become an excuse to not participate in everyday life, though I'm sure there will be those times. Anyway, we're making an effort to stay involved.

On Tuesday morning, as we packed up our little bug with his "school supplies," I prayed Philippians 4:6-7 in my head over and over again. God was going to give me a peace beyond understanding. His peace. Aaron and I dropped him off together and chat with his caregiver for a bit. I gave my baby an overwhelming number of kisses and hugs and handed him over. I got back in the car, had a few tears, and felt okay by the time we were on the highway. I didn't even call during the day to check on him!

I will say that having a daycare that we are 100% comfortable with does wonders for a worried soul. I know he is being cared for by ladies who want to teach him about Jesus and love on him. And seriously, who wouldn't want to play here?

 The work day passed fairly quickly. Late that afternoon my sweet husband needed an emergency root canal and tooth extraction. This meant that we picked up our boy later than originally planned and made it home just in time for him to sleep through our snuggle time. 

Day two was not so easy. With the rough evening we had before, I had little time to get things prepped ahead of time. I had been rushed to get ready and failed to spend a few moments to cuddle with him in the morning. So when I dropped him off, by myself this time, it was harder to leave and I was obviously upset. Of course that would be right when the other mommies are coming to drop off their kiddos. "It gets easier..."

So I've been told.

They emailed me pictures of him during lunch that day. It was a nice little blessing.

Thursday I had to get back to business by attending a client dinner that evening. Not exactly what a new mom wants to have to do her first week back at work. Still, I knew it was important for me to stay visible amongst the company leadership. Plus it is always nice to have a good steak on the company dime. ;)

It's Friday now and I'm sure you can imagine how excited I am to have the weekend. Going from spending 18 waking hours a day enjoying my bug to 6 is... well... sad. But I know that God has me where I am right now for a purpose. Perhaps He can use me more productively in the workforce than on my couch. I just need to keep reminding myself of that and patiently endure this season of my life, trusting Him to use it to teach me about His love. Comfort never bore spiritual growth in the way that struggle does. And through it I lean on God's promises. Trusting that He is a faithful God who wants to give good gifts to His children, I ask for patience, peace, and perhaps a new circumstance.